November 7, 2012

Sometimes you get to geek out.

“Luckily, growing up "unfinished" can make geeks the very best people to guide and nurture the next generation of outsiders: We know you don't have to be finished to be awesome.” -Stephen H. Segal, Geek Wisdom: The Sacred Teachings of Nerd Culture

There is little more satisfying than running into one of your own kind in the real world. And, despite claims otherwise, it's something we all know about. Everyone has, at least, one thing they seriously geek out over. I have lots. I'm in a lot of ways the stereotypical geek. Both the positives and the negatives. Still, I love being a geek. And, I love running into other geeks.

There is one geek that Bella and I run into on a regular basis. She works at the bookstore. Not shockingly, we end up there a lot. She's always bright and bubbly. And while, we never chat long (after all she is working) we always end up talking about something huge that just happened in whatever. Sometimes it's comics or Doctor Who.

Speaking of comics... Despite the “By Lex Luthor's bald head... a woman in a comic shop” stereotype, our local shop is really fantastic. I'm really just starting to delve in there and haven't spent a lot of time there. But the owner, and the people working there are amazing. Even if we always miss Hawkeye releases. Which I completely and totally blame Bella for ::coughs::

Even the geek encounters that.. well... leave you a little... umm how do I put this. Ok so, once again Bella and I were out yesterday. We did our patriotic duty and voted, so we rewarded ourselves and soothed our fears over the election with sushi. Because, that is what people do. The best place to get sushi in our town is this asian buffet. I'm there doing my thing when I see the most awesome shirt. Legend of Zelda. Wooo. This is one of the things that I majorly geek out over lately. So I had to say something. I tell the guy I like his shirt and planned to leave it at that. His friend, however was a huge LoZ geek. As I quickly found out. What I thought was a one comment and done, turned into a much longer conversation.

I'm clearly a bit socially awkward. So I never want to say, “Yeah we're in peoples way. Let's move and you can keep talking.” or “This is a fantastic chat, but I have someone waiting on me.” Yeah... I felt incredibly awkward and just kept trying to... I dunno what I was trying to do actually. Still. Even the geek conversations you don't mean to have or even want to end a bit quicker for whatever reason are amazing. Because, while I can find so many Legend of Zelda geeks online, I don't have anyone in my life that truly appreciates the game series. So yes, running into your own kind is always awesome.

Until next time, I'm just gonna go play some SNES.

November 6, 2012

Sometimes you just watch the red and the blue.

I really hope you voted. You did, right? Good. I knew you wouldn't let me down. Now we wait.

Yup this is my blog. I had stories to tell you. But honestly, I can't stop refreshing twitter, watching CNN, and twitching. Colorado, Virginia, Ohio, and Florida are going to give me heart murmurs. So those stories will have to wait till tomorrow.

You can call it cheating if you want but honestly I can't tear myself away. I care more about the actual presidential election so in all of that mess I'm trying to pay attention to the Senate and the House. As well as some of the Props in other states.

I'm hopeful on some and discouraged with others. But, isn't that the way it usually goes? No matter what happens... I have to hope that the population as a whole knows what they are doing. Does this election scare me some? Hell yes it does. Still, I've done all that I can.

Now let's all just watch the states turn colors. Hopefully, quickly so that I can sleep.

Until next time, I'll have stories- promise.

November 5, 2012

Sometimes I get political... sort of.

A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but won't cross the street to vote in a national election.” -Bill Vaughan

Ok so it's time to talk about the election. Hey! Wait! Come back! I promise I'm not trying to sell you on “my” candidate. I'm not even giving you a guilt trip to vote. Well I'm encouraging you to vote... but no guilt trip. Honest.

I'm one of those people who feel that it's important to vote in every single election; local and national. Also I vote in the primaries. Because, you see this is not a one man government. I feel, that if I'm only voting for the President, I would be wasting my time. The President can only do so much if he is constantly butting heads with his House and Senate. If I don't vote for my state government then I essentially have no say in our state laws. But, I digress. The point is I'm a big fan of voting. I wish more people were.

I've noticed that there are more first time voters this year. And, not just those newly of age who are clutching their voter card to their chest. It makes me happy. It also makes me think back to my first time voting and things that I wish I had known. So, here I am to give you some tips. Some of this I'm sure you already know, but bear with me. I'd like to share them just in case.

First things first, let's talk about what you need to vote. Know where you need to vote. You HAVE to vote at your designated voting location. Just save yourself the hassle and make sure you're in the right place. Some states require that you bring a valid photo ID. In my state a student ID doesn't count. If you need a ride to your polling center call your local Democratic and Republican Resource Centers. They often help with driving you and most won't care about your party affiliation. Also, at the end of this entry, I will share some links with you where you can find your polling place and state laws for what you need to bring.

Next thing you should know is sometimes the lines will be long. You may have to wait. Try to be patient. Remember that the people working at the polling locations are mostly volunteers. Respect them. I always bring along a book to read in the lines. I do this for a couple reasons. It keeps me patient and, it deters people from asking me who I'm voting for and from them trying to change my mind.

This should go without saying but know who and what you're voting for. If you know everything that's on the ballot before you vote you won't have to worry about making an uneducated decision. It will help the lines move smoothly and decrease the wait for everyone.

At the same time, don't feel rushed. There have already been problems in early voting across the US. If you have a problem notify someone. If you are harrassed at the polls, speak up. Let the workers know of any issues that you are having. If it's a machine issue make sure your vote is counted properly. Then share your problems online so others are aware of them.

As I said before, I have some links to share with you. Is a fantastic website. It is not affiliated with any party, so you don't have to worry about biased information. Here you can find your state voting laws, links to find your voting location, share voter problems, and a variety of other things. is a map where you can share your voting problems and see others. It's very easy to use and navigate. With this site you can put in your location and find information about the candidates running

Finally for Hurricane Sandy's victims.

I hope that you all find this information useful. I hope that you vote. The selfish part of me of course hopes that you vote the same way I do... but so long as you vote, I'm happy.

Until next time, see that wasn't so bad.

November 4, 2012

Sometimes you end up surrounded by zombies.

Ah me! Love can not be cured by herbs.” -Ovid

Love... that thing that keeps writers in business; the poet's best friend. It's the musicians muse. For a lot of people, it keeps them hopeful and able to handle whatever life throws at them. But, for me... Love is a zombie virus.

Seriously, it's a freaking zombie virus. One by one those around you become infected. They have one thing on their mind. Love. They either talk about it, or they want you to join them in this huge mess. All you can do is watch it happen. Once they're infected, you can't help them. The more that succumb to the virus the higher your chance of becoming one of them. One way or another, you are screwed.

Can you tell that love scares the crap out of me? To be clear, I'm not an anti-love person. I see those friends in love or moving very close to love, and I'm so happy for them. It makes them happy. In some ways it actually makes them better people. But I'm actually terrified of myself falling in love.

I know some it is a lack of control. Some of it is the fear of rejection, and some of it is the fear of what happens when it ends again. Yes, I do realize all of that is ridiculous. Apparently, love is worth it. And, maybe it won't end the next time around. None of that matters to me though.

When I think about myself in love, I don't think of the mushy crap. I don't even think about the loss of control. All I think about is the bottom falling out, and then; how much I loved Matthew when he sat me down and told me he wasn't happy and there was nothing I could do to make him that way. It blind-sided me. I thought everything was golden. Granted, in the end it was for the best. We are much, much better apart than we ever would have been together. Still... that pain is the first place my mind goes to when I think about love.

I've been thinking about love a lot lately. It's hard to avoid when it's all around you. It's even harder to avoid when you are starting to think about how much you actually like someone. I think it's official. I've been bitten by one of my zombie virus friends. I'm developing symptoms. Now, do I try to find a cure or do I give in and ride it out?

Until next time, yup I'm screwed.

November 3, 2012

Sometimes... Oh screw the sometimes. Insomnia is never needed or wanted.

Insomnia is a gross feeder. It will nourish itself on any kind of thinking, including thinking about not thinking.” -Clifton Fadiman

Up until recently there have been 2 stages in my life regarding sleep. In my teens, I was a champion sleeper. If there were a competition I would have been the most decorated competitor. Sleep for 24 solid hours? Sure sign me up. Who needed to deal with the outside world? Didn't matter when or where I fell asleep. I had that shit down. I was a heavy sleeper. My room could have been in the middle of a tornado and I wouldn't have stirred. Moreover, it worked for me. The dreams bred some of my best story ideas. When I wasn't sleeping, I was incredibly productive.

In the 20s, I moved into the not sleeping for days zone. I just didn't need sleep. 3 day party and at friends house? I was down for it. I also wasn't the least bit affected by lack of sleep. Sure, I may have gotten the giggles a lot. Or, if it was last stretch I was slow with my wit. But overall, I just was perfectly fine without it. When I did sleep, I became the lightest sleeper. The wind blowing outside my window would wake me. Still, where I didn't need the sleep, I was still incredibly productive. It saved me so many times when I was running late on knitting gifts.

Now, it's shifted again. I've become a bastard mix of the two. Which you would think would be a good thing. Not so much. I've seemed to pick the worst traits of both.

I've become a heavy sleeper again. It's not really something I enjoy anymore. Sometimes it's nice to hear your apartment manager knocking on your door when you have an inspection. Because, you know, old ex-marine walking in your bedroom to check the smoke alarm while you are … well let's just say I don't do pjs that much anymore. Just a tank and incredibly short shorts... I think that is the definition of awkward. Especially when it's 1pm. We won't even get into the maintenance man (who I made the mistake of asking out for a drink at one point). Beyond that, I sleep through text messages and half of my phone calls. Some of which, I really should respond to immediately.

On the flip side, I've stuck with the ability to stay awake for days. Except... my body, brain, and emotions can't handle it anymore. I need the sleep now to function. Gone are the days of productivity with no sleep. I just can't do it. I'm so exhausted during my no sleep cycle that I end up staring blankly. It is a herculean task to write. The knitting, even during a simple pattern, is impossible. So I spend days and days at a time doing absolutely nothing.

Currently, I'm edging towards Day 4 with no sleep. I managed to sleep an hour one night and then a half hour last night. So I'm not completely and totally without sleep this time. I'm slightly grateful for them. Except it's just made the tiredness worse. I've tried all the tips and tricks. No caffeine hours before bed, my bedroom is purely for sleeping, and I've meditated. I've tried sleeping in complete silence, music, and soundscapes. Exercising, warm baths, cold baths, offering anything to any god that will listen. The only thing I haven't tried is warm milk. You nasty people can keep your tainted milk. I'll deal with the sleep hysteria if that's my only option.

I actually walked to the pharmacy at 7am to buy sleeping pills this morning. Yes, I was that desperate. I'm sure that was a lovely picture to the poor woman working the counter. I know I had wild frizzy hair, dead eyes, and couldn't manage words above a mumble. Ms. Autumn, the picture of mental health. That said, it's 2 hours later; I'm hoping with the walk and the two pills I just downed that I will be able to sleep.


November 2, 2012

Sometimes networking is really needed.

I never “networked” through the years. Even though it was clearly the thing to do. I kept a small group of friends and never really expanded into the land of acquaintances. I think that's biting me in the ass now.

It never occurred to me that I might need people other than my small group. In my late teens and early twenties, I was incredibly co-dependent. There was a person in my life that warped my mind to the point that I couldn't even make the simplest decision without his approval. Once I got out of that situation I repaired what friendships I could and decided at that point they would be all I needed. I became fiercely independent. I didn't want any help with my life. If I was given advice, I would smile, nod, and throw it out the window.

I suppose I'm still like that a bit. I'm learning to listen to advice. Though much to the chagrin of the advice givers, I ask way too many questions with it. I want to know the hows and whys they think that will help me. I tear the advice into pieces, examine, and over-analyze it. Even though the advice is well meant and could help me, I feel like I have to have control over it still. I realize that it's detrimental to me and I still have to work on it. So maybe that's some sort of progress there.

The point of that little tangent is with all of that I couldn't fathom letting someone who basically a stranger into my life. I felt that I didn't need their opinions and I certainly didn't want them. Now, while I'm still independent... I could use a larger group of people. My friends have full lives of work, relationships (marriage), kids, and their own social groups. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy they all have full lives, but it's easy for me to see how empty mine is by comparison. It's not quite jealousy... more loneliness and a bit of isolation.

Not to mention it's hard to do something for a charity when you don't have any one to “pledge” on your behalf (I will tell you all about that when I have all of the details nailed down.).

I definitely need to figure out how to meet people and make new friends.

Until next time, seriously how do I meet new people again?

November 1, 2012

Sometimes you have to start over.

“The vision must be followed by the venture. It is not enough to stare up the steps - we must step up the stairs.” -Vance Havner

Halloween-time seems like a fantastic time to resurrect this blog from the dead. It's long over due, and I think I've missed it. So here I am giving it another try.

Welcome back to those who use to read my ramblings. Hello to any of you just finding it. I'm clearly not the same person that I was when I was originally posting here. But, the things I said in this post  still hold true.

You won't find much pagan talk here anymore. I still consider myself pagan, but I'm really questioning my beliefs at the moment. So, unless I have some sort of magical break through there, I won't be talking about my religion. The other site that I use to write for is dead as well. There will be no more mention of BeShameless. Also, no more blog memes or give-away posts. I've deleted most of those from the archive, and I won't be putting them back.

But, that's enough talk about what was and what isn't. Let's talk about what is and what I hope to be. You see, I'm edging my way toward 30 years old and I'm having a crisis. It's either a late quarter-life or a very early mid-life; either way, I'm having one. I've come to the stunning realization that I have no idea what I'm doing with my life. Nor, do I know what I want to do with it. I have several short term goals (which I'm sure I'll talk about soon), but not one long term goal. I can't see a big picture, and it's making me wackadoodle.

I guess, I'm hoping that writing again will help me. I'm not sure how or why; I just feel that it is something I need to do. I have to start climbing those metaphorical stairs from today's quote. In the meantime, I'm hoping I'll be able to entertain you along the way. Maybe you're going through the same thing and we can help each other.

I'll post here once a day (at least) for 30 days. This will be in addition to my NaNoWriMo writing and my vlogs. November is normally a month that kicks my ass... This time I've decided to kick it in the nonexistent face. I will be super productive and that will be my first step on those stairs.

Until next time, let's get this bitch started.